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The Man with the Plan Author Craig Michaels draws from his personal failures to help grooms get involved 
Somewhere between the shrimp cocktail and his first bites of paella, it hit Craig Michaels: After popping the question, he’d pretty much played no role in organizing his outdoor Las Vegas wedding. And, for the first time in the 10-and-a-half-month run up to the event, he felt guilty. “You’re embarrassed you didn’t do more to contribute to that day.” By tradition, choice or basic inertia, grooms are often sidelined in the wedding-making business, relegated to renting the limo and, well, showing up. Why? Michaels wondered. About a year after his wedding, the guilt-stricken husband went to work. The result, “Thirty to Wife” (Marlowe & Company, 2006), is a chronicle of his final 30-day march to matrimony and a playbook for grooms-to-be who wish to play a more equal role in planning their big day. Michaels, who directs programming for Akimbo Systems, the San Mateo, Calif.-based a video on-demand service, also launched a companion Web site, groom411.com, with a goal of helping grooms look good – or at least more at ease, as they tie the knot. While it’s important to “man” the traditional stuff – honeymoon, band and venue approval – it’s also important for the groom to pitch in on all aspects of the wedding, says Michaels. “Offer your opinion; spend a little more time listening to your coordinator,” he says. “It’s your day. It’s important to make it feel like you participated more or contributed more.” Michaels points out three areas where he thinks all grooms can shine. (Brides, feel free to cut this out and hang it on the fridge.) : • Be the heavy. The bride usually has been thinking of this blessed event way longer than the groom. Men need to be supportive, understanding and help her achieve what she wants. When dealing with vendors, take the reins and ask both the hard and stupid questions; it will make things less tense for her. • Manage your family. Communicate wedding details, be diplomatic about their needs and even delegate tasks. Many moms would love to help plan, and brothers can’t help but say yes. • Use your technology skills. Whether prompted by the bride or acting on their own, men can put their expertise to use. Good with computers? Create a wedding Web site. Pro at shopping? Help manage the registry. Love travel? Help locate affordable airfare for guests. This may or may not also include helping friends find a place to watch the ballgame during the reception. Michaels acknowledges that he shouldn’t have just “gotten through” his wedding, he should have helped out more. “It didn’t even matter what,” he says, “I just needed to be more ‘engaged’ – share in the good and the bad of the planning. Now I realize that it was something that I’m going to remember for the rest of my life, and something Deb will remind me of for the rest of my life.” So far, people have responded favorably to his everyman story. He’s become a bit of a local news celebrity, but more importantly, he says, he’s been able to satisfy both the relaxed groom-to-be who wants a good story and the desperate one looking for a life-saving tip. At first, Michaels’ wife Deb was less than enthusiastic about his book aspirations, considering the effort her put into planning. But one of the things he loves about her is her support of his wacky endeavors, he says. She even came up with the title “She’s rolling with it,” Michaels says. “She’s worried about the sequel.” – Timothy R. Schulte |
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