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(New) Brothers & Sisters Making friends with your spouses siblings isn’t always easy 
I’m a lucky gal. My husband-to-be is incredible, which is why I’m going to marry him. My wedding budget is going to be enough to throw a nice party (I hope), and my dress is perfect (if I can lose about 5 pounds). In addition to all these blessings, I’m gaining a great sister-in-law. We don’t see each other often since we’re both so busy, but whenever I do have lunch or coffee with her I leave with a smile on my face and a vision of many happy holidays and family vacations that surely will be in our future. But not everyone can be this lucky, right? I got to thinking about family meshing and asked some other folks how getting married works in regards to new sibling relationships. “I am the oldest of four kids, two of which are brothers six and 10 years younger than me – I've had to play the role model and the older-sibling role,” says writer Kate Van Druff of Gilbertsville, Pa. “[My husband’s] brothers have become these big brothers I never had; we all get along great. Now that I am part of the family, they indulge in all the teasing and joking that I missed out on earlier in life.” My future husband’s family is a jokey, tease-y family, too, and to be honest, that has taken some adjusting for me. Even my cool, soon-to-be sister-in-law is way more of a teaser than my sisters ever were. It was a little disarming at first. “I caught the teasing partway through dating [my husband],” says Van Druff, “As I've grown closer to the family, I've learned to dish it back at them.” So teasing can be worked with, but what happens when a new sibling’s personality or behavior just isn’t your cup of tea? Like, at all? “There are times that a bride’s or groom’s sisters become close,” says Mark Kingsdorf, founder of The Queen Of Hearts Wedding Consultants, a full-service wedding-planning firm in Philadelphia. But Kingsdorf notes that you don’t need to be best buddies immediately – or ever, really. “Just like your own sister might not be your best friend and sees you have different friends, interests, and activities, [a sister-in-law] will as well,” Kingsdorf says, adding that if you’ve got an overbearing sister-in-law on your hands, it could simply be her way of trying to adjust to the changes in the family. “It might just be your perception,” she says. “She might be trying to make you feel welcome, especially if you don’t have a sister. She might be wanting you to fit in and have another ally in the family; don’t read too much into the situation.” For the brides out there with some new-family growing pains, the process for sibling integration is probably the same as it is for brides who feel like the transition will be an easy one: It takes work to build relationships and you get out of it what you put in. Lunch dates, sporting events, dinners out and shopping trips can all help forge a bond between the people your future spouse grew up with and the person he’s going to be spending the rest of his life with – that’s you. “You need to make a conscience effort,” says Kingsdorf. I think he’s onto something there; I think I’ll invite my future sister-in-law over for dinner and ask her if she agrees. |
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